i am
fake black hair &
hard-lined eyes &
all black clothes &
tattoos or piercing-
whatever is the latest
fucking hardcore.

xxx across my hands, baby.

i am
pseudo-deep chick &
half-hearted hippie &
oh-my-goth with an ankh &
tortured superstar
with tiny bloodied wrists,
fucking glow.in.the.dark-
when i want to.

i am
the word FUCK overused &
bitch personified,
i am a self-proclaimed whore &
christian cunnus diaboli,
boys i want you to
CALL ME A CUNT.

i am a girl,
minus girl-power.

i am
girls, cross your legs &
rise up for no meaning &
stop waiting for the dream you
have to create yourself;
i am the youth of a country
that says to put american
before human being
so i am
fighting
multiple
wars,
i am a soldier with
a gun to my temple.

i am
sick of reminders
afraid of the mirror,
i am
dressed to impress
but feeling no nearer
to the person i thought
i could be by now.
i am tired of asking
somebody else how
to fit into
my scarred skin.

carved another X
into my thigh again
today
just because there's
really nothing more interesting
to say.

i am
fake black hair &
fake pretty past,
pulling harder at these roots.
lined eyes shut tight
& fading into the black,
lacking edges in the shadows.
i am self-mutilation for
lack of anything better to do,
i am in survival mode because
there's another day to get through.

i am
the question mark nobody wants to see.
i am
asking
you
to
give
up
on
me.

(2003)